Alone!

This happens every time – every freaking time that I Need someone, a someone whom I call my friend, a someone who I can hug and cry and cry and cry, a someone who will just hear me out No Questions Asked. Every time I am feeling low and want to just avoid being alone, I don’t find anyone with me. Every Time! !

It so happens,  that my bad luck is very bad. Whenever I need a friend,  all my friends are busy. And No, I am not blaming my friends here. I am blaming my stars. You know why? Because my friends might just not know that I needed them.

Waise toh I am a sane person and know how to shantofy myself but sometimes something happens that is beyond my capability to understand and I can’t control my emotions, my anger. During these not so good moments I feel the need to call a friend and talk, meet if possible. But as I mentioned earlier meri bad luck hi badi kharab hai. I try a friend’s no. and it will be busy. I try another friend’s no. and it will keep on ringing with no response. Then the third friend’s mobile only will be switched off. Fourth friend might be very busy at office as usual, so I skip dialling her no. Back to first friend- still busy. And so on….  By then I lose my heart to talk to anyone and I end up sleeping cried eyed.

Either The Universe is conspiring against me , so I just give up and break down or just conspiring for my good, so I become more stronger.

I do not know!

One thing is for sure I should just stop dialing no’s when I am sad! And I should have learnt this till now but I didn’t. Yesterday, was another bad-sad day and yet again I thought of trying my luck and yet again I lost.

P.S : I love all my friends and I am not blaming any of you. Just wanted to vent out. That’s it!

Dil-E-Dastaan!

Janti hu haq nahi hai tujhpe mera,
Nahi hai koi gila shiqwa ke – tu ho na saka mera.
Tujhe paane ki thi aarzoo purani,
Aaj tooti yun, hui zaar zaar main saari.

Tujhse dil lagana na thi koi khata,
Jo mile yeh mauka Dubara karu main yeh gunaah.

Tujhse milne ki khwaish hui bhi toh aise poori, mili bhi tujhse fir bhi rahi Khwaish adhoori.

Keh bhi naa sake tujhse apne dil ka haal, kya sochoge tum… kaise karti main izhaar?

Ittefaq bhi ittefaq se hua karte hai, yeh kaisa ittefaq hai ki log milne se pehle hi bichad jate hai.
Tumhare liye nahi koi mera wajood par mere wajood se judi hai tumhari yaad.

Yeh aansu bhi kambakhat dogle hai saare, tere khushi ki aad mein mere gham ki de duhayein.

Sari zindagi tujhse milne ki fariyaad karti rahi, tujhse mil kar bhi fir milne ki aas karti rahi.
Pata nahi kyu karti hu main pyar tumse itna sara, jeena tere khyal ke bina na hoga ganwara.

Teri khushi deti thi mujhe bhi hasi, fir aaj kyu teri yeh khushi layi hai mere chehre pe udasi ki bundey kai.
Nahi hai tera koi qasoor, ilm hai yeh mujhe. Meri chahat nahi thi teri qabil, kaise kabul karu main yeh waqya.

Tujhse milne ki aas pehle bhi thi aage bhi hogi, iss zindagi se takrar pehle bhi thi aage bhi hogi, tujhse mohabbat pehle bhi thi aage bhi hogi.

Naseeb ache acho ke badalte dekhe hai, bas hum hi badnaseeb hai jinke naseeb mein chand sitaro wali raat nahi hai.

Nahi darr andhero se mujhe, nahi gham apni maut ka, tujhse bichadne ke gham se seekh jayenge, pina kadwa ghut zindagi ke vish ka

Rakshabandhan

When I was a kid, Rakhi was all about gifts, shagun ke rupay and a chance to get dressed in ethnic wear! We used to Dress up Royally and put on Gold jewellery. First of all, getting a chance to wear anything other than school uniform is a welcome occasion, on top of it you get to visit relatives.

Those years, we girls used to visit all our cousins and tie them Rakhi. When we grew up a bit, we cousins decided to meet at one place every year to celebrate rakhi. One year my place, next year another cousin’s place and so on.

Rakhi is no more about dressing up or wearing jewellery or about making money 😛 . Today, Rakhi is all about spending quality time with cousins. I am blessed with a huge family (set of immediate relatives).  Over the years, we cousins have become really fond of each other. We love hanging out together, be it a one day picnic or just for dinner or movie. We try to catch up every two three months.

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This Rakhi was all the more special because it was on a Sunday. Normally we finish our celebration in the morning with breakfast. But this year we were together for around 5 hrs. We visited a local Park and played with the next generation (I already have a 10yr old nephew) kids. We tied rakhis. Clicked some Hundred pics and went for dinner. Also we girls made some easy money 😛

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FAT!

FAT!
That’s all I have been called since I remember. But I never bothered. Or should I say I behaved as if I never bothered. I realised very early that if I react to people calling me fat it will only maximise their fun. Also if you do not react they stop calling you that, and instead start searching another way to get you down. Yeah, there are some Jealoused souls out there who try to bring you down in any way possible. As far as my case is concerned, it was my looks!

I remember my class mates calling me fat (when I was not even fat). I was always a over matured plump kid. That’s why I don’t remember being a kid in first case. At the age of 10, I behaved like 15yr old. At 15 it was worst. I remember not playing, running around in the Games class(I was such a idiot). All this just because somewhere down the line I was insecure. Those fat comments did alter my self confidence levels.

Today, when I am 25 and actually Fat I really don’t seem to bother about my looks. I am more happy than ever before. May be because finally I have accepted myself the way I am. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me. Over the years I realised one thing,  when I was 50kgs and people used to call me fat and I used take that seriously but today when I am 70kgs, nobody (except my parents) call me fat. You know why?
Because nobody seems to bother about it after seeing me smile. The “I know I am what and I don’t care what you think I am what” smile.

I don’t mean to say I am gonna be forever fat just because I have accepted myself this way. But I think this is the first step towards my evolution. Yes, I understand I need to work towards betterment of my health and I need to lose atleast 10-15kgs and I will, but not to have those stunning looks or to be able to wear LBD. (Btw, recently I did buy a Litle black dress and I think I look just as beautiful, may I say Hot? 😉 in it as I would look after I shed a few kgs) But so I have a better and healthy life!

Bottom line : whether you are thin or fat, doesn’t matter. Live your life on your terms. Live life Queen size! Your friends, dear ones will not stop loving you just because you have put on weight. If it’s still bothering you, go and shed it. But, don’t let your happiness depend on the weighing scale.

P.S : Only we Fat people can give a awesome polar bear hug!

P.S.S : I need to start exercising.

GirlFriends

What makes Girlfriends so important in our lives?

There are things that you can only share with your girlfriends. When your parents are giving lectures on getting married at right age, its your girlfriends who will say ‘Chill yaar’ abhi toh tu sirf 25 ki hai!
You see a cute guy and you tend to call your girlfriends and talk about this new crush of yours. Imagine telling your mother about it and you wouldn’t realise you are married off already.

There are times when you are sad and you have no idea why you want to cry. Is this so difficult to understand?  But no, your parents will not understand this, your boyfriend is confused and your guy friends are better off unknown to this feeling. In such situations girlfriends hang on with us, cry with us and lastly comment sarcastically ‘Tu badi Nautankibaaz hai’.

I remember my best moments of life spent with my special girlfriends. Be it just sitting and talking (talking endlessly) for hours at Necklace road Or riding around the city getting tanned just for the heck of it. Going to near by Pani Puri thella was never so much fun before.

Nobody understands you better than your girlfriends and yet we girls lose touch with each other over the time. I have lost contact with so many of my girlfriends. Some left me because of some misunderstandings, some are way too busy with their careers, some got married and shifted base and are busy raising kids. Few that left are just like me,

Single and Awesome

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No matter what, I am blessed with some awesome girlfriends in this journey called Life!